Thanks dad. Now my love language is violence.

 I am currently watching this series Maid from Netflix. There's one episode of this series when Alex (the main character) remembered her childhood dark stories when her dad used to abuse her mom.

And aku teringat yg bila ayah aku kunci aku kat belakang rumah. Masa tu aku duduk Rumah teres. Belakang Rumah aku hutan. Aku jerit “Ayah, buka pintu Ayah buka pintu”.. tapi nothing.

And dia pegang tgn aku sekuatnya sebab kawan aku tuduh aku tumpahkan kuah kat baju dia which is dia xnak kena marah sebab baju dia kotor and dia tuduh aku. Aku cuba jelaskan kat Ayah aku yg aku tak buat. Tapi dia xnak dgr. Aku cuma mampu ckp “Ayah, sakit ayah.”

And lucky my body xkan Ada any scars cos I’m immune to it. But there’s one scar that exists until today cos that time he beat me with hanger yg ada sharp edge.

Last few months aku jumpa Adik Ayah aku. And he said my dad was beating me when I’m still wearing diapers. Which means I’m atleast 2-3 years that time.

And aku teringat mak pernah tanya Ayah aku, “awak nak bunuh anak ke?”

And lepas mak and Ayah divorce, mak pulak pkul aku. Tak buat kerja yg disuruh pkul, menjawab pkul. Getah paip, hanger, rotan, cubit, tampar, tumbuk. Lengkap. :)

I feel like I’m a burden to them. So pls tell me. Am I exaggerating things?? Are you gonna do this to your child? You call this normal?

Kalau aku boleh ckp kat Ayah aku. Satu benda je aku nak ckp kat dia. “Thanks dad. Now my love language is violence”